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one in this ♥ world
"The river runs and the river hides, Out to the ocean and under the sky, I promise you, the answer will come, Hold on to patience and watch for the sign, Everything in its time; " |
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about this blog
name's esther & 18's the number. i love potatoes to the ends of the earth and soups like nobody's business. & i believe in a
place "where love lasts forever".tagboard
affiliates
A7K1(: G.I.L ♥ (: Alex. Alvin. BingCong. Carole. Cherie. Chuhui. Emily. Dixie. Fiona. Gwen Hakim. Hannah. Hector. Joanna. Jocelyn. Junhui. Lydia. Nigel. Sharon. Ting Valerie. YanKai. happyther(: archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
 Now at,
hey you! im surprised that you still bother to come to this rotting space that plays the same old song over and over and over again that you must have got so accustomed to clicking the stop button of that player the moment this page loads, riiiiight? hahahhaha! it's ok, don't have to lie, cos me too (: and yes! finally a new post & no more of Emily's face. :D thank you for still bothering to check this space once in a while & many apologies for the looonnng hiatus! im really wondering who still comes here. hellloooo, anyone there? :D but, this will be my last post here. gon' put this close to 3 years stack of memories aside & maybe, come back once awhile & laugh at all the nonsensical stuffs i said here. ok, i allow you to laugh too (:  but no no no, i said last post here, i din say im not going to blog ever again (: so you guys, are gon' come with me to another place. :D starting afresh, [ Happiness is only real, when shared ♥ ]to the sweetcup :j
a blessed 17th "im me when im with you" Locked away.
 deviantart; Phrased and rephrased. No words seemed to fit at all & even if it does, i was afraid it'd be too direct & no, i don't want to hurt anybody. cos' that's not my point. In fact, it never was. Denying isn't gonna help & reality is still gonna hit straight back at you again, hard. Reality is the name we give to our disappointments. & sometimes, we just gotta be honest with ourselves. This is reality. They say, the reality is cruel. & I think for too long, i've always believed and pictured the world to be not that bad a place like how many said it is. Despite certain things that had proved me wrong, i still wanted to believe and hold on to that speck of hope and faith - that genuineness do exist. Do they still? I thought & i think, & it's i thought and i think again. "You thought wrong." How many have i already thought wrongly then? Things that i heard, things that i've realised & come to know. What's real & what's not, I don't think i know how to tell them apart anymore. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. & i've always try to live by this. Share the love and spread the joy to others, & they will too. Look out and watch out for others, & they will too. Be there for them & stand by them, & they will too. & don't hurt or crush them, & they won't too. But then again, this is reality. Life's twist and turns. & i can remember saying that in the beginning of the year that i'm not quite ready for it. & sure enough, i don think i got myself ready in time. It's been a bumpy rollercoaster ride. All the sudden jerks and unexpected upturns. & I asked God many times why. There's always a lesson to learn, but why do i have to learn it the hard way? Why did You give and take it away? What is it that You want me to learn? Is it all that easy? To forget? To dispose? To put aside? To move on? And when i cried out for comfort, You told me this. Isaiah 40; When all i wanted was to stick onto what i've always thought i know, but when more odds came rushing in & reality left no room for mercy, when the heart battled hard & tried t push away all the neg emotions, emotions tt'll build nastier emotions & i don't want tht... i wanted so much to hear from You. And, you showed me, Mark 11:22-25. & it hit me, simple & clear. Yes, i heard you. A choice, made from the heart. Like how you did to all of us, w no conditions. & Thank you, for every little thing. Looking back, i can safely say that there were no regrets. Though through this period of time, you never really showed bit of concern on how im getting by, disappointed cos' you didn't feel the need to ask & it just tells me that i've got to let go, like how fast you did. But thank you, again. I know you're happy now. Pack up and lock away. Brace up now. You're not alone. It's time to get back on track. "Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears." "I'll be there for you."
Swelling mad & Sore D':Ppl must be thinking im cold. (but im not! D: )I can't talk much, & I can't smile to anyone. I try, but the pain will be too much to bear & i'll switch off. Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this painful. I don't know is it sth my body's lacking but I know im prone to ulcers, & the metals are doing a great job in making it worse. Now i can't brush teeth or eat without tearing.. But thanks Neh, for the wax. at least it's helping or i really cant imagine.. Char said, "I can feel the pain just talking to you". i guess it really looks that bad... I need Vitamin CCC. & I hate Listerineee. I'll update more ay once my mind can think straight. cos meanwhile, it really can't. half of the time. Quickkk, i want to laugh away with everybodyyy! & ohgoose.. i can't even read out what i just typed. D:
Personality tested. Agree? I can't really believe it, but yes it's true (: This is one of the big things to me, & i wanna share w you (: (wow it rhymes! haha.) I'm starting to feel the pain more & more & it's getting really uncomfortableeee. Every teeth's hurting like mad now & though i've got a lil slightly higher tolerance for pain, i've still yet to master tolerating any pain in the mouthhh. ): im trying hard not to put focus on it but... RENNN GIRL. come on, you have tooo. haw mummyyy. & dammit smack, i really can't eat properly now. all i can do is try hard enough to mash the food w the tongue. if good, you get to swallow. if not, you get everything else stuck everywhere and spend more time picking food out than actually eating! & i'll lost my appetite by then ): now i feel for Neh. & i ate wanton but only the kway tiao. i can't even chew vegg! : O & im so so so hungry right now that the gastric juices are acting up but there's nothing suitable tt i can eat ): this is so not gon help much when my appetite's really shaky now. i lost 3 kgs in 1 week last week, like what the p o.o but it's cos i lost my appeptite.. & just when i think i can eat more now, ahhhh ): HUNGRYYYY. hen tong hen tong hen tonggg! okay, bear w my rants first ay guys. i know ppl had given million warnings bout the pain but im still TRYING to adapt and numb myself to all of it. & i still got a long way to goo. ): & gah, (edit) i think i need happy pills now. alot of it. from all the rubbings & abrasions, you'll won't believe it but.. 5 ulcers horribly popped out )': & now, i cant talk much.. take away the painnnnn pls.. (/edit) oh great, its 3+AM & im still very awake.
(Feelings change - memories don't.) |
