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one in this ♥ world
"The river runs and the river hides, Out to the ocean and under the sky, I promise you, the answer will come, Hold on to patience and watch for the sign, Everything in its time; " |
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about this blog
name's esther & 18's the number. i love potatoes to the ends of the earth and soups like nobody's business. & i believe in a
place "where love lasts forever".tagboard
affiliates
A7K1(: G.I.L ♥ (: Alex. Alvin. BingCong. Carole. Cherie. Chuhui. Emily. Dixie. Fiona. Gwen Hakim. Hannah. Hector. Joanna. Jocelyn. Junhui. Lydia. Nigel. Sharon. Ting Valerie. YanKai. happyther(: archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
i don't know why whenever i bloghopped, the first one will always be jun's. i've no idea why, but i like reading her posts. somehow, it never fails to give me this sense of inspirational feeling. weird eh. (: i got all so confused now about what i want and what i can say i want. i guess this thought had been lingering within me for quite some time now but i still find myself getting nowhere near to a clear path. what i wanted was just to be me and what is of me. to say one piece of bloody hard fact, is that i don't even know what i am and who i am now. and people who dont even know themselves, i feel, are competely pathetic. i mean who else knows you better other than the most rightful person - yourself. (well, other than God that is) i just felt like what i am now is not the actual person that i am supposedly to be. i felt like i've long ago lost myself in the process of all the walking and tumbling, picking myself up, tripping and falling again. im not trying to create problems over here just to put myself in deep thoughts and be all emo about it. i just want to say it all out and let it all out. that's much bout it. im feeling really weird now. i've no other words to describe that im not feeling right that's why im using weird okay. yesterday my mum reminded me about something. and it somehow just hit me. she told me that, " it's because of His love that's inside us, that we learn how to love. " i don't know why this sentence just hit me. but it jus surfaced that we won't be able to love with our hearts if He never put that kind love and warmth in us. imagine us cold-hearted, with no feelings in us, are we able to love as beautifully as when He put warmth and love in us? i don't think we can. there's a difference between God's love and those humanly love that everybody knows. becos His love is generous and kind, uncondition and everlasting. and that's what, i think, makes my God so loving. because His love never fails. never. and whenever this thought came into my mind, it never fails to send warmth to my heart. (: i love you Daddy. and i thank you that You love me. i love you. oh yes. i came across a comment in jun's blog. i find that it's really lovely. (: " I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you, and guard you as the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they outnumber the grains of sand! Nothing can ever seperate you from my love. Death can’t and life can’t. The angels can’t,and the demons can’t. Your fears for today, your worries for tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep my love away. You sometimes say,"the Lord has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me.” But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why,the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are valuable to me. Give me your burdens; I will take care of you. I know how weak you are, that you are made of dust. give all your worries and cares to me, because I care about what happens to you. Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I delight in you,and I can be trusted to keep my promises. Come and drink the water of life. Your Maker,Your Father,God ” Here,its all in the bible. And so far from my experience, God is the only one with the power to keep His promises. Its about how much you can trust others and their weaknesses. Not how strong they can be for you. You give and you take.Those who water others will be watered. So don’t be sad when you give so much.SInce when did His children get shortchanged? i believe there are many more stuffs He says to you and its all in the bible. " those are wonderful and such assuring Promises that that Great God above has made for everyone of us on this earth. it's really hard to believe that there's people out there who's rejecting such great love that He's ever so willing to pour on them. but to know of His promises for me, it feels really comforting. really.. can i cry now? CAN'T WAIT ahhh. i don't know how to describe life in school yet. for now. well, jun's class i see from it is like so happening. although school's only started for like two days. and it's not even in full gear yet. i don't know bout mine though. everybody's still smiley to each other. i really cant wait to see what school's gonna be like after a week. hopefully i'll be able to know more people and be more bonded to my friends now. my class' is FUN okay. well, i think it'll be much more crazy and fun if everyone starts opening up and just be themselves. people like carole, delia and fiona just makes the class more livelier, i must say (: and i know there's quite a few who's mad in nature. mad as in not mentally mad but fun and high people. LOL. that's what i think though. i really cant wait. BEAMS. today was not that bad. im like all prepared for the day. (: i got up early to take breakfast and drink oh-dear coffee to keep me awake at least for the first part of the day. i struggled during the first ever 2hr lecture yesterday man. i could not stop yawning! lol. but today's Principles of Inorganic & Physical Chemistry lecture was good. i din yawn. I THINK. (: i heard hannah and carole saying that the lecturer is the " K K " guy. and ya, i caught no balls. LOL. after that was MATH ((: thank God that i can still get to do beloved math in poly. i missed aemath la. well, but it seemed though that most people in my class don't like math. sigh. during math lectures, it suddenly just hit me that i missed having ms lim's lessons. with jun and yi struggling together with me. and going , " HUH? what the hell? why like that one? how come like that? " LOL. ahhh. missing. communication skills was nice(: mzzzz Andrina Chung was nice too (: lol. i almost died when i hear that we have to do public speaking during our second semester or year two, i cant remember. I DONT WANT TO SPEAK PUBLIC. oh man oh man. LOL. i din know im motherly -.- thanks carole. HAH. that's so not me la. don't know what calvin's doing now man. is the lecture video that long? LOL. are you looking at this mr boyfriend (: do you know that i was like panicking when im bathing halfway through after knowing that my phone's silent and remembering the fact that you said you''re gonna call me. i bathed so fast can! stupid. -.- oh wells (: goodnights. the contact lens ar drying out my eyes man. You're not alone Together we stand I'll be by your side You know I'll take your hand When it gets cold And it feels like the end There's no place to go You know I won't give in No, I won't give in Keep holding on Cause you know we'll make it through We'll make it through Just stay strong Cause you know I'm here for you I'm here for you There's nothing you can say Nothing you can do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So, keep holding on Cause you know we'll make it through We'll make it through So far away I wish you were here Before it's too late This could all disappear Before the door's closed And it comes to an end With you by my side I will fight and defend I'll fight and defend Keep holding on Cause you know we'll make it through We'll make it through Just stay strong Cause you know I'm here for you I'm here for you There's nothing you can say Nothing you can do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So, keep holding on Cause you know we'll make it through We'll make it through Hear me when I say When I say "I believe. Nothing's gonna change Nothing's gonna change destiny Whatever's meant to be Will work out perfectly avrilLavigne Keep Holding On. i cant control my own feelings anymore. its like its gonna explode any moment. i feel like knocking myself real hard on the wall and hopefully knock myself out. i feel like im crazy inside. there's a whole lot of thoughts rushing all over, i don't know what im thinking. i felt like i can do anything to myself right now. i cant handle this. do you hear me? I CANT HANDLE THIS. what's the word? yes. im i n s a n e . seriously, i feel like a mad woman right now. this is not me. i feel i've lost myself completely. and i've no bloody idea what i want to say here and why the hell im in this pile of shit right now! stop pushing me and leave me alone! leave me alone.. i've not been penning for so long that i don even know what am i suppose to pen down over here. but i know im sick. not physically. but mentally & bit, spiritually. im confused. very drained. i really thank Him, despite all that that im feeling right now, that im not left alone. in fact, i KNOW im not alone. and im never, alone. i dont know how many of us ever felt real peace before. but i know i did. and for that, i don know how grateful and touched i was that He placed such a divine thing (which i think, probably, alot of people have been yearning for) in me. at such a right moment. i never felt this great peace rushing through me before. i knew i should have been tearing and drowning myself in total sadness & helplessness. but i just felt peace. i don't even know how to describe that feeling. it's just like you're floating in the air. so light that you'll fly and flow with the wind. you know that kinda feeling? that night, i prayed on my bed. and the moment i started to open my mouth to thank Him for that divine peace that is oh-so-precious to me, i cant help it but kept tearing. that sudden gush of thankfulness rushed in and warmth just filled my heart. and the next moment i know, im crying like nobody's business, that i cant even figure out the muffled words that i said. its like " herh herh her... kamnsdiakwneu... her her her" lol. i loved this feeling of thankfulness in my heart. it felt happy. so happy that you cant help smiling to yourself .. (: thank you so Daddy for all the love that you poured ever so generously on me. and the peace you gave, it's heavenly. smiles. what i fear seemed to be true. but i know things don't just become good overnight. wishful thinking it was. i want to feel loadless.. oh man. i still have to wait for audition to load. URGH. im so afraid i won't be able to fall asleep later on at night. okay. maybe i can. cos i slept for only three hours just now. and thinking that i din sleep AT ALL the previous night and walked for a good 2.5km in the middle of the night. (: yes. i think i'll be able to sleep tonight ((: beams. i had a 2.5km prayer walk last night la. i thought it'll be like killing tiring and that i'll have cramps here and there half-way through the walk la. but hey! it turned out that i walked with tremendous ease man. (: AND WE WALK SO DAMN FAST THAT I DIN GET TO HEAR GOD SPEAK. LOL. we're suppose to hear closely to Him and meditate in His words while we're walking the 2.5km walk but as a matter of factly, we're walking too super fast to even think la, not even to say meditate. LOL my heart feels load-less. that's penned down on tuesday i think. lol. din get to finish it up because again, of the stupid time limit over there. and im lazy to recount and think back about everything. BLEAH. whatever. im in all sorts of mood now. im uber bored. because im all alone now in calvinheng's living room and he's sleeping in his own bedroom. im frustrated. because there's sth wrong with his laptop's sound systems and don't know what the bloody hell prob is it. and so, i cant play audition to keep myself entertained. im fed up. sort of. because, of some reasons that i think i'll keep it to myself. im exuberant. because im going to meet jun and yi. together, again. im anticipated. because i cant wait for later service at city harvest's good friday/easter's celebration. im still feeling bit i-cant-believe-it. that im talking to jun again. after like so long. (: i feel peaceful. (: this feeling that im all alone, in my own world. this peace, it's indescribeable. (: my heart's smiling. i can feel it. im loving this song. I close my eyes And even when I'm sleeping I'm alright Cause You are in my life. Once upon a time I only imagined this And now You're mine Wished for you so hard Prayed that You'd find me Baby you're here today Here to remind me If you believe that dreams come true There's One that's waiting there for you Cause I believed when I saw You That when you want something enough That it can't escape Your love. There is nothing in the world that cannot be If you believe, oh oh... Everybody said That I was a fool to think That we could be (Everybody said that) That I couldn't get my heart out of my head But they just didn't see No, they just could not haveThe feeling that You give The places that You go If you believe that dreams come true There's One that's waiting there for you Cause I believed when I saw You That when you want something enough That it can't escape Your love. There is nothing in the world that cannot be... If you believe. Never wished for material things Never needed wind in my wings. I never wished for anything but You...oh! I can't explain it Someone just told me, "Go where your heart is, You'll never be lonely." If you believe that dreams come true There's One that's waiting there for you Cause I believed when I saw You That (when you believe) when You want Someone enough Then they can't escape Your love. There is nothing in the world that cannot be If you believe.Believe, believe, believe, ooh... If You BelieveRachel Lampa Beautiful song (: If you believe, and you'll see it. i see whether i'll be able to find another music source. i don't know why. for some reasons, iwebtunes is no more available. BLEAH. haha. whatever. im very frustrated! why cant audition be played. i think i have jinx hands man. no computer behaves properly when i touch them. there'll always be a freaking problem with it. man. I HAVE JINX HANDS. DON'T COME NEAR TO ME. OR I'LL END UP KILLING YOUR COMPUTER. lol. whatever. AH. i think im late. suppose to meet yi at 0430pm! BYE(: i need you. but you weren't there. |
