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one in this ♥ world
"The river runs and the river hides, Out to the ocean and under the sky, I promise you, the answer will come, Hold on to patience and watch for the sign, Everything in its time; " |
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about this blog
name's esther & 18's the number. i love potatoes to the ends of the earth and soups like nobody's business. & i believe in a
place "where love lasts forever".tagboard
affiliates
A7K1(: G.I.L ♥ (: Alex. Alvin. BingCong. Carole. Cherie. Chuhui. Emily. Dixie. Fiona. Gwen Hakim. Hannah. Hector. Joanna. Jocelyn. Junhui. Lydia. Nigel. Sharon. Ting Valerie. YanKai. happyther(: archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
i'm very afraid i'll make the wrong decision again.. i'm starting to have phobia of me doing anything and making any decisions. especially at those critical moments. i'm afraid you won't want to go out. but if you are.. i'm afraid i'll make yet another wrong decision. like i always did. im really afraid things will just remain the way it is, and nothing is change. i'm afraid i'll messed things up. i'm afraid things will just took a turn for the worst. i'm afraid you've lost the feeling to want to love me. i'm afraid my best is still, not my best... im afraid. i just want things to end. Stay with me Don't fall asleep too soon The angels can wait for a moment Come real close Forget the world outside Tonight we're alone It's finally you and I It wasn't meant to feel like this Not without you Cos when I look at my life How the pieces fall into place It just wouldn't rhyme without you When I see how my path Seem to end up before your face The state of my heart The place where we are Was written in the stars Don't be afraidI'll be right by your side Through the laughter and pain Together we're bound to fly I wasn't meant to love like this Not without you Cos when I look at my life How the pieces fall into place It just wouldn't rhyme without you When I see how my path Seem to end up before your fac eThe state of my heart The place where we are Was written in the stars I made a few mistakes, yeah Like sometimes we do Been through lot of heartache But I made it back to you Cos when I look at my life How the pieces fall into place It just wouldn't rhyme without you And when I see how my path Seem to end up before your face The state of my heart The place where we are Was written in the stars When I look at my life How the pieces fall into place It just wouldn't rhyme without you When I see how my path Seem to end up before your face The state of my heart The place where we are Was written in the stars The state of my heart The place where we are Was written in the stars can anybody tell me what's the road in front of me? can anybody tell me where am i heading? looking at things, nothing seemed to be going right. everything got so jumbled up and confusing that a sense of hopelessness is filling in me. i so wish that i can just shout out "STOP!" and everything will. i really wish i can. i feel myself dragging my every step.. i'm starting to lose the energy, the life in me. now i understood how confused a person is when so many troubles and questions came crashing down on her. and when things got so messed up, she can no more figure out what's right and what's wrong anymore. there's so much in the head, that the mind's slowly shuttin down by itself and that is when she's reached her limit.. she can't think anymore. i can't think anymore. i wanted so much to make things better. i tried so hard, but nothing is turning out well. as a matter of fact, it seems like what i tried to do didn't make any difference or changes. and i guess that just simply means something. i din't do anything to make things better. i did nothing. that sense of hopelessness. tell me what to do.. xi wang jiu bu shi she wang. i really am hoping. people says hope keeps a person alive, it keeps a person going. that's why when a patient is dying from an unpredictable illness, only hope can keep him/her alive and the people around him/her. ok. what am i talking about. -.- i can't make out a smile on my face. i feel so dead that i think i can just rot if im isolated. maybe i should isolate myself. from everyone and from everything. i've lost myself already i guess. i don't feel anything in me. i feel empty. this morning i woke up to realise that, " oh, it's another day." but i just shut my mind off again, and went back to sleep. i dont feel like waking up. i don't want to. and i don't know why i kept looking at the phone each time i woke up. im hoping, eventhough i know i'll see nothing. and yes, i saw nothing. it's ok. i expected it anyway. still hoping. thing's just ain't getting any better. im hoping it will. but i don't know if it will.. will it? i know very well of the truest feelings deep down inside me. and i've said it. "be honest with each other. " and i've decided to. those are my honest words. and there's nv a trace of lie in it. i don't care what i'm going to face ahead, but i will nv regret sending you that msg, eventhough that again din't make any difference. because those are my words, my feelings, my emotions and my thoughts. not for anybody, but just for you. just you. i don't care how much it is to take to suffer, but if i have to, i'll take it. if i'm to be gone for one good day, will you be there to watch me leave? Baby tell me are we heading into trouble, yeah Is it my imagination taking hold Do I read to much into the way we slay The way you move away from me I may feel that you're the one But when all is said and done Love takes two Time after time we've talked it through Cause baby, I need you What am I supposed to do Love takes two There's a whole lot of things you can do and do without me, yeah There's a million things I can do and do alone But the best you can do for yourself Is sharing with that someone else No one wants to be alone It's the one thing that I know Love takes two Time after time we've talked it through Cause baby, I need you What am I supposed to do When your words can disguise what you're going through But they can't fool your heart Now it's time to decide what you wanna do I'm telling you Love takes two (love takes two) Time after time it's proven true Cause baby, I need you What am I supposed to do Love takes two Love takes two me and you What am I gonna do without you baby I need you When you know that, I want it so bad It's enough, girl to drive you crazy cause i thought this year would be different with you ard.. apparently it is not... disappointed once again. i'm sad and lonely. no one's here. u are not cos u abandoned me. merry christmas people! :) surprised that i'm blogging right in the middle of the night when everyone else are in their bed snuggling eh?(: thanks dear. for going countdown with me despite ur headache and discomfort and for that super duber sweet msg that you sent me. its been long since you said such sweet things. but i appreciated that msg very much. indeed i do. and inoe you meant what you said right? when joy fills the heart, that feeling, that moment, it brightens up my life. thanks. for sharing that with me. lets capture more of it dear! haw.. felt so guilty at orchard. its all that stupid idiotic policeman. he spoiled my mood. you fat shorty. but its my fault i shall agree with that. why can't i think before i do things? i'm sorry whoever that actress is. (sorry whoever you are) i'm really feeling guilty afterthat. but all thanks to my dear laopo that she restored the happiness in me. thanks dear(: you are wonderful! i'm loving you esther tay! don't be afraid alright? i won't be disloyal to you. i just wanted the battery so that in case my mother want to contact me they can call me cos i noe ur mother will call me if she cant get you. so don't worry alright? i won't do anything that will let you down. or rather i will not try to do anything that will let you down alright? trust me. like you always do okeh? :) i noe u will. merry christmas darling! you are loved... by me(: i'm so hungry and thirsty. xD feel like blooging all of a sudden. first time blog so dun blame me. im so tired and sleepy now. worked for 10 hrs today and earn barely $55. waste my time la. transferring to CPF next monday. i got 'sacked' by parkway parade. hahas. but i realised i have grown to like the people there. but ya. i cant ask for a transfer back again. its time consuming. christmas on monday. i've got the christmas gift for u :) im sorry that it lacks sincerity but i promise i will do one on my own another time alright? smiles. that msg u sent me. i guessed it just spoiled my mood. so u see me as someone who doesnt think about how u feel when i say things? isit? if it is den i really have nth to say. someone asked me to give in more to you. have i not given in alot? or isit the fact that u r the one always giving in and turning the situations around while i worsen them? i feel sad now. i don't know. i feel sad all of a sudden. haha. are you thinking " huh? is it me? " now? lol. don't worry. it's nothing to do with you. i don't know why this sense of sadness just rush into me aft i read her blog. things just isn't the same anymore. i don't even know whether i'll be able to do something to turn things around again. it'll feel weird. i feel separated. it's the kind of sadness like when you realised we're not anymore in someone's world. someone who's really close to you, once upon a time. that's how im feeling right now. have i lost yet another friend? .. sighs. came back from youth camp yesterday morning. im feelin so lethargic la. im falling asleep almost everwhere, and those legs. it's totally killing me. man. haha. went home took a nap ( not really a nap. it feels like i've slept for like 14 hrs? but i only slept for 2hrs? haha) im so sorry calv. that you have to wait for me to wake up. and you have to wait all alone. (for goodness sake.) im really sorry. at night, went to attend our school's band concert. it was awesome. like always(: haha. i don't know. i love the band. ever since don't know when. lol. and you tell me a very funny thing. im still thinking bout it okay. " i feel very troubled over something. but i don't know what's it. just very troubled." "partly.. yea. but there's another part. " and i was like huh? what thing?? lol. but what i aprreciated is that, you told me you're troubled over something, and not just troubling and troubling by yourseld and give a really i-don't-feel-like-talking look. at least you told me, and kept from guessing. yes, i appreciated. but still, what is it?? LOL. why are you so nice yesterday? lol. my definition of nice. you're all laughy and so talky. (: well really, i've nv seen you laugh and talk for so long. and (: , your laughs influenced me. it feels really nice. and deep inside i was really afraid and prayin real hard that we'll continue to be like this all the way back. and.. it did (: i've said before i wanted joy really badly. yes, i think i captured some joy yesterday. (: thanks to you. i like you. (: we'll never learn to cherish until we lost the chance to. i'll always agree to this. sometimes in life, we'll just have to keep things simple and just learn to look at the happy side of things. why make things so complicating and then end up feeling all shitty. whenever i watched chong shang yun xiao and saw yishan feeling all sad and troubled aft quarelling with yunzhi, i don't know.. i just seem to be able to feel how she's feeling. and at the episode when things are gonna change so dramatically, when they were having cold war with each other and yunzhi made a decision that they should give each other some space to think things over carefully.. i knew how yishan felt. and at the last night when they'll be together.. yunzhi said something that made me cry until like some shit. " this is our last night sleeping together, can i ask you a favour? .... can i hold your hands to sleep for this last night? .." and the fact that this is really the last time they'll be together (becos yunzhi will bdie in a car accident) made me completely mad. you know those times when you just feel like crawling into the tv yourself and made things ok? haha. i felt like doing that. whe cant they just think simply and not look back at the past anymore. is the past that important? doesn't the present and the future matter most? we'll nv know when we can't turn things back again until it happened. in relationships, we quarrel, we make mistakes. each quarrels, we'll tell ourselves that things will be fine after some time. but what if it will never? i hate to bear regrets. and i don't want to have any. i know we'll never think about things like death or illness. they're so drama la. haha. but they really do happen. what if it happens? hmmm. thinking. got to rush to the train station. when something is of more than value, it's no more valuable. it is precious. there's every purpose, every hidden meaning to why all things had happened. but what is it? i cant figure it out. i don't know why. but one thing i know. all these things that are happening somehow.. had shaped me into a more stronger person in heart. i don't want to give up. there's something in me that's stopping me from giving up. there's something deep in my heart that's telling me to go on, to keep trying and that, everything will be fine. i don't want to let go. but how bad a choice will it be? i used to think that holding on brings pain and tears. i cried so many times that i realised im losing myself. i drowned myself in complete sadness and tears and i kept myself in my own world. i lied to myself that things will find its way out somehow, by itself. and when i looked in the mirror everytime at those red, puffy eyes, i told myself, "that's not you. be happy, girl. you can do it." " . i wanted joy to fill me so badly that im found myself helpless because i cant capture any. yes, i wanted joy&happiness to feel me. not just me. everybody around me. because it's these people who influences me. i want them to be happy. and i want you to be happy too. i want alot&alot of the purest joy to feel the hearts of us. no one deserves to get all the sadness&pains in the world. we have a choice. and i've chosen mine. im gonna grab every happiness that there is . and if you cant grab any, i'll grab more & share it with you(: that's how badly i want joy. very badly. (: i love you. |
