Esther Tay's Facebook profile




"I'll be there for you."
Swelling mad & Sore D':

Ppl must be thinking im cold. (but im not! D: )I can't talk much, & I can't smile to anyone. I try, but the pain will be too much to bear & i'll switch off.

Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this painful. I don't know is it sth my body's lacking but I know im prone to ulcers, & the metals are doing a great job in making it worse. Now i can't brush teeth or eat without tearing..


But thanks Neh, for the wax. at least it's helping or i really cant imagine..
Char said, "I can feel the pain just talking to you". i guess it really looks that bad...

I need Vitamin CCC.
& I hate Listerineee.

I'll update more ay once my mind can think straight.
cos meanwhile, it really can't. half of the time.

Quickkk, i want to laugh away with everybodyyy!


& ohgoose.. i can't even read out what i just typed. D:

Usually gentle and kind, they are intense and passionate about their values and deeply held beliefs, which they share with trusted friends. Because of their discreet manner, their enthusiasm may not be apparent. They are sensitive to others' pain, restlessness or general discomfort and strive to find happiness, balance and wholeness for themselves in order to help others find joy, satisfaction and plenitude. They are deeply empathetic.

They live life in an intently personal fashion, acting on the belief that each person is unique and that social norms are to be respected only if they do not hinder personal development or expression. They strive to adhere to their own high personal moral standards and are particularly sensitive to inconsistencies in their environment between what is being said and what is being done. Empty promises of adhering to something they value – such as environmental causes or human rights - set off an inner alarm and they may transform themselves into modern day Joan of Arcs.

They are quietly persistent in raising awareness of cherished causes and often fight for the underdog in quiet or not-so-quiet ways. In a team, they will raise issues of integrity, authenticity, and good or bad, and may to opt out if the team refuses to address the questions raised.

They are usually tolerant and open-minded, insightful, flexible and understanding. They live for the understanding of others and feel deeply grateful when someone takes the time to get to know them personally. They have good listening skills, are genuinely concerned, insightful, and usually avid readers. At their best, they inspire others to be themselves.


Personality tested.
Agree?

I can't really believe it, but yes it's true (:

This is one of the big things to me, & i wanna share w you (:
(wow it rhymes! haha.)

I'm starting to feel the pain more & more & it's getting really uncomfortableeee. Every teeth's hurting like mad now & though i've got a lil slightly higher tolerance for pain, i've still yet to master tolerating any pain in the mouthhh. ): im trying hard not to put focus on it but... RENNN GIRL. come on, you have tooo. haw mummyyy.

& dammit smack, i really can't eat properly now. all i can do is try hard enough to mash the food w the tongue. if good, you get to swallow. if not, you get everything else stuck everywhere and spend more time picking food out than actually eating! & i'll lost my appetite by then ): now i feel for Neh. & i ate wanton but only the kway tiao. i can't even chew vegg! : O & im so so so hungry right now that the gastric juices are acting up but there's nothing suitable tt i can eat ): this is so not gon help much when my appetite's really shaky now. i lost 3 kgs in 1 week last week, like what the p o.o but it's cos i lost my appeptite.. & just when i think i can eat more now, ahhhh ): HUNGRYYYY.

hen tong hen tong hen tonggg!

okay, bear w my rants first ay guys. i know ppl had given million warnings bout the pain but im still TRYING to adapt and numb myself to all of it. & i still got a long way to goo. ): & gah, i don think any happy pills will help now cos i probably cant even eat them. ok wait, no more happy pills.


(edit)
i think i need happy pills now. alot of it. 
from all the rubbings & abrasions, 
you'll won't believe it but..
5 ulcers horribly popped out )': 
& now, i cant talk much..
take away the painnnnn pls..
(/edit)

oh great, its 3+AM & im still very awake.


(Feelings change - memories don't.)

So school started like 3 days ago but everyone feels like they're still in lala mood.

it's been kuku years since i sat in a lecture hall, & it feels like im watching teevee minus the really interested part. i couldn't really sit still luh, & all the theatres are freezingly mad cold! gahhh. seriously couldn't tahan the colddd but, i still happily forget to bring along my jacket for 3 days. stm or what! 

i know that im in school but it doesn't feel that i am. okay, does that even make any sense? & it doesn't help much when our timetable is still so urgg! as ever. wed is full blast lecture day & i almost died during the 3hr lect today. THREE, AGAIN. 1 hr through the thing & seriously cannot, zaooo. & i still have to take CDS this semmmmmmm! & the only one that doesn't clash with our timetable is - Introduction to Singapore Law. let's say WOW. 

but something happy bout's that Cass is now in TP, so (: Met her yesterday in sch at Mushroom then went over to Starbucks to have a lonnnnggg chat. & it's amazing how i can always enjoy our chatting session, though 3/4 of the time she's the one doing th talking (: But yes, I had a great time with you girl! & i went down to Bugis for 2 consecutive days. hahaha.

3 days alr, but my arms & legs are still aching a lil after that super tiring 2-9:30PM cycling escapade w Role. but am loving it. Talking while cycling's the love. Feeling the cold wet air rushing on the face, breathing in the fresh air which smells of rain, seeing the lightning flashed across the long stretch of night sky, for a moment, everything felt good..  

okay, before i continue on with anything, i really wanna say this,

a great big thanks; to all who've stayed by me & for being there at my lowest. for the ears, the shoulders, the time & embracing me when im at my weakest. You, you know who you are, thank you so much. & i've already said them in the msgs. Thank you Lord, for them. cos they are the ones who i know will stand by all the way, no matter what.. no matter what.
My pillars of strength, always strong, always true. 

Don't worry guys. All i need is time, & alot of strength now. As the days go by, I came to realise how scary it is that people can change so quickly. It's even more scarier when it's someone so close. Everything i knew, wasn't exactly what i know, after all. So much left unsaid, but i guess.. it's okay now. I don't know how hard it is, but i'll try. Cos it don matter to you no more.  


You feel insignificant, a whisper in the wind
Sometimes you think nobody knows your name
But there's Somebody watching over you
And He knows everything you're going through
 
He sees every single tear
He feels everything you're feeling
He wants to hold you close and dry your eyes
Your heart is what He hears
When the world just hears you crying
No matter what the pain, He cares
About every single tear

Overwhelmed by circumstances out of your control
Hope can be the hardest thing to find
When you're like a heart without a home
You don't have to face this hurt alone


On a random note, the separators in my teeth had been bugging me. It's like there is not enough strength to bite. This slipped my mind when i was searching the fridge for sth to eat. i saw the Subway cookies, & happily broke a small part, tried biting an even smaller part, & almost immediately after, i put the rest of the cookies back.. ): cause i couldn't bite and eat!   

Friday's the day. & im a little scared ): 


Let it go, Let it be; 

hold me close..
& tell me everything's gon be okay...
i so need a hug now..

Where's my angel?




this fear that i've always try so hard to keep out...
i thought this time i can trust again..

Cherish is the word.

Remember the past, 
plan for the future, 
but live for today..
 
because yesterday is gone, 
and tomorrow may never come. 


Cliche as it is about living today like there's no tomorrow. & easy to say than done. Truest as it is, you'll never really know, til you really lose it. But, why wait til then? Tomorrow might just never come..  So cherish


ROARS.
i have no kuku idea why
the stomach's twisting like mad now!
owwwwwwwwww..


this week's gon start off busy busy.

Mon; tour at the Turf Club w the class. quite excited to see how everything operate there & of cos, the horses :D & sleepover at Role's for the night - baking! potato korokeee plssss! hahahah.

Tue; Rare peeks into the zoo hospital, w the class again. I'm aniticpating many many eye-openers (:


JUST FOR LAUGHS :D

★ says:
meet at 915am

★ says:
at TAF

★ says:
cannot be late

ther ♥ says:
oh yaa

ther ♥ says:
TAF

ther ♥ says:
at whr ah?

★ says:
cos we taking some chartered bus

ther ♥ says:
TAF's at kranji

ther ♥ says:
?

★ says:
NO!

★ says:
TAF is temasek animal facility!

★ says:
wat is wrong w you

★ says:
THER?!

ther ♥ says:
O.O

ther ♥ says:
ooopsss!

ther ♥ says:
OMGGGG

ther ♥ says:
i was thinking of the TURF CLUBBBB

ther ♥ says:
-.-

ther ♥ says:
hahahahhahahahahahahahha!





heeheehee!
sorry ah, the brain's not functioning really well.
& someone's gon say, "AS ALWAYS."
HOIIIIIIIIIIII.
:D

yayyy, meeting th girls finallyyy (:

& ahh, im sup to do my reportttt! : O

& PLS GET WELL SOON HAOBUDD.

( :


after hearing the live acoustic band play last night at the bar in orchard, suddenly i felt like playing the guitar too at that instant. hhahahhaha.

i came across the song that's playing at my sidebar now & loveee it! & i just kept playing it on the guitar just now. beautiful song, for the Beautiful One (:

imma shareee (:
Here are the chords:
(This Is Our God.)

Yesterday was Good Friday,
to remember the day when He laid his life down for us..

Sinners yes we are,
all tainted & scarred,
with all kinds of backgrounds,
with the darkest secret kept away,
but yet,
He knows everything..

& this had been going on in my mind for the whole day -
that He still choose to love us,
& choose to lay down His life for us..
just to set us free from the sins of the world & our past..
to give us a new life, a whole new beginning.
A second chance.

that's how much He loves us... you & me.

And so our Good Friday's drama had finally come to a close, in the happiest note.

& it really makes the heart smile as you feel the joy from the others. how the tension lightened each time someone comes back into the backstage with a big smile on their face after each scene. how you just know that everyone in the backstage are encouraging you on when on stage. how we hugged each other when finally, we can all shout, "It's overrr!" (:

& i really thank God for all of them,
the brothers from Charis Mission,
the ICs,
my papa,
the time-keepers/mike ICs,
Lydia, Weishun & Samuel & the rest..

As the practices gets more & more each week,
& as frustrations, fear, negative thoughts & every other hindrance that starts to make us waver & doubt,
it is the constant reminder of how much these dear ones are forking out time & effort for God, for this drama, for not giving up,
that motivates me each time & feel all thankful for.

I never really knew how difficult it is to be in a drama crew until i really experienced it for myself.
we always only get to see the end-product of what is made up of sky-high effort, unity, co-operations, encouragements, patience, pressure, tears, frustrations, struggles which built up along the way.
but now, i felt it all.
first-hand.

how i see some of them at the verge of breaking down.
how i felt the amount of pressure that they're trying to suppress deep within.
how i felt like crying too when we come together to pray & remind ourselves to walk by Faith & not by sight cos He's with us.
how i learn to trust even more that all things will come to good at the end.
how i learn to be sensitive to the needs of the people around me &,
use the most powerful tool - our mouths & our words to encourage others..

Thank God that you saw us through,
Thank God for this rare experience,
& thank God,

for loving us, all of us.


Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God


thank you for all who came down (:

& the noob for your encouragements (:


& i just realised i've got no photos!
what the pong!
HOW CANNNNNNNN!

hahahahha.


"你对你自己就那么没有信心啊?"
"我几时有过信心... "


Nick scared the wits out of me just now laaa! 
I've no kuku ideas what got into him,
but he started limping & walked in such an awkward manner, 
like all of a sudden.

my heart nearly stopped pls. 
first thing that came to mind was:
"Huh?? Is it becos he's old & i've overwalked him?? Are his legs stiffening???" 
I thought (like seriously for a moment) that his legs are gon' go paralysed! 
that, seriously freaked me out.

i changed bit of our usual route today, longer. 
& i figured that could be the problem. 
the stupid limping thing happened when we were walking on the pathway beside the main road. 

& just for those who are concern, 
dear Nick is actually...
1. an ultra sissy
2. he is a scaredy-cat
3. he's scared of shadows

& aft thinking hard & ruling out the possibilities,
i really think it's the shadows,
which appeared, for some reasons, much more clearer beside the main roads. 

& in case you don't know,
he's a mega puller. (like most dogs are.)
but he literally halted and lingered behind me, & crouched when he walked. 
if its not the two that i mentioned,
i was actually thinking too that he might have seen something else la! 

but okayyyyy,
that sissy scaredy-cat of mine got back to normal after i carried him & went back to our usual route - under the blocks and carparks. 
which is darker, 
and so (i think) fainter shadows....
-.-  

SISSY BOY. 
hahahhahahahahahha! 

but seriously im scared,
i think Nick's getting old....
ok no,
he IS old ): 

ok on a super random note, 
i've been feeling the shopping mood since morning. 
& i really really feel like getting my butt out of the house tmrw. 
Tampines 1 is officially opening tmrw & I IS WANT TO GO! 
& from what i heard from other promoters, there's John Little Mega Sale at Expo tmrw too!

& i feel like watching movieeeeeeeees! 
i heard Knowing's good! 
& Shopaholics too!

dammmittt smack! 

but i think no one's freeeee. 
Yi never reply me ): 
Cass' happily at Genting now. 
Mummy's working tmrw i think.
& i dunno bout the rest....

bummer. 

& the phone looks pretty dead to me too now. 

finally a rest day for me, but i have no plans! 
PONG SAI. 

& i've decided not to work for the last week of sch hols...
i think i want to leave some time aside to do what i want to do. 

ok bah. 
i is got no mood now. 

anw, 
to the dear brothers & sisters who're giving in their all for this Fri's drama,

i know everyone's stressed out,
cos i can feel the tension. 
but He's with us through it all,
so, let's give in our best together, for Him (: 

& you know He's delighting in whatever we're doing (:  
 

just got back home & woah i can feel the headache coming up...

but i guess imma bring Nick down for a slow long walk..
i think i need a breather..




Only in the darkest, will the lights shine their brightest;


*
was tilting towards the moody side before this,
but when i saw the lights all lit up,
it gave me this really fuzzy warm feeling..
(:

say im smart t figure them out.
heeheehee.

& they look beautiful,
really beautiful.. (:

& the lights remind me of that verse again,
"our weakness is made perfect in His grace"
the darkness being our weakness,
& His grace the light.
(:

thank you (:


now where should i hang them all?



oh & sidetrackkk,
i hate eating lunch alone!
gahhh.

its one of those days again,
where i know there's something stirring inside,
but i don't know exactly what.

guess i'll just let the emotions take over..


*


heehee.
i've been getting lazier to blog each time.
feels like a chore just churning out feelings & events into words.
hahaha :D

& i've got hundreds of photos taken but kept away piling in the phone.
alright!
i'll share share share,
soon :D


updates:
  • 5-day attachment at Mt Pleasant is over. Tho not much to do, but can't deny that we saw alot & helped sort out quite clearly where we wanna head to in the road ahead.. (:
  • the stupid Noooob is backkkkk in action! hahahha :D
  • i skipped 800X today! my lower legs are aching mad nowwww.
  • & yes, im back into the working out & dieting craze again. uh oh : O
  • IM WORKING AT TAKA FROM MON TO WED. welcome to pop byyyyy anyone :D


*


still is one of the bestest song ever :D


Time has come,
to stand for all that we believe in;



give me courage Daddy.